Bermuda!

It is 3am, I can't sleep and I have to get up in a few hours for an appointment.  I think this post will be a little rambling.

Our family just took a week long cruise to Bermuda.  There were 10 of us that had never traveled together before and I don't mind saying that the thought of it had me quite on edge.  My 16 year old niece was dancing on the ship with her dance class and we were all excited to see her.

I have lived alone since 1987.....and love it!  Of course I have had a cat for most of those years, but a feline roommate is not really an issue .  "My castle, my rules" to quote Lionel Logue in The King's Speech.

For this trip, I would be bunking with my dad.  Again, I am not used to other people when I am sleeping.  I knew that it would be very likely we would both snore and I did not want to bother him. I knew he would bother me because I am a very light sleeper.  But the biggest concern I had was that I would be his roommate, in a place that really belonged to my mother.  Of course she would not be there, and her absence couldn't possibly define how our family acts from here on out, but, I am the most emotional about such things. 

I think that is another result of my living alone for so long.  I come home and have the time, space and luxury of grieving.  My brother and sister are both married so their schedules are not like mine.  When something reminds me of mom, I can feel it right away.

Anyhow, the trip was 100 times better than I thought.  The family dynamic was balanced.  We did not crowd each other and we also spent good time together.  That will probably be another post another time.  But I am so very thankful for all that God showed me about my family...quirks and all!

I was determined to be brave on this trip.  I am fairly lazy (at least I think I am).  I do not like heat and I hate sand on my feet.  But I would not allow anything to make me a party pooper on this trip.  And with God's help, I didn't!  I walked the beach and got sand in both shoes.  I climbed to the top of the lighthouse.  And I decided I would snorkel with my sister and her husband.

I am much bigger than anyone else in my family and I have for many years lived in fear of wearing a bathing suit in front of anyone.  I dealt with that a little bit last summer and I knew that for snorkeling I would be at a real beach with people that I knew and others that I didn't know.  I was kind of excited to take that major step!  But, the bus ride to get where we would need to go (and then walk for 15 minutes) turned me into mush.  I didn't throw up, but I was nauseous and crying and I knew I couldn't possibly continue once we got off the bus.  In fact, my dad, sister and brother-in-law all knew that before the ride even ended.  They saw my silent tears and knew the motion sickness I had feared for the ship was coming out on the bus.

Let me say Bermuda streets are narrow, the bus stops and starts constantly, they are on the other side of the road and most of the roads turn sharply and have large cliffs or walls on one side or the other.

My sister and her husband continued on with my blessing and my dad and I walked around the town a little and took a lovely ferry ride back to where the ship was docked.  It was great!

The next day the plan was to go to some amazing caves and almost everyone in our family was going to go.  But, we could not get there without a bus ride and I just couldn't risk it.  So, as they left, I decided I would indeed go to the beach that was a short walk from the ship.  I rented snorkel equipment and not only had a suit on in front of others, but I did it completely solo!  That exclamation point there is because it would have been SO easy to forget the whole idea...with everyone else going to the caves. But I did it anyways.  I prayed to not get lazy.  To get past the fear of my appearance and to seize this opportunity I may never have again.  And I loved every minute of it.

So, since this post has gone totally in a different direction that I had started out, I will close by saying that God is faithful to equip...physically, emotionally and spiritually for the challenges we face.  I had decided while we were still on our way to Bermuda that I would try snorkeling if there were opportunity.  That came out of the blue.  I had just been hoping to be brave enough go to the beach. God had me think on snorkeling many hours before it would even be possible.  He allowed my mind to start thinking pros and cons, fears, excitements, excuses and then worked in me to wanting to do it more than wanting to hide from it.

And I am excited to see how else He will guide me in other emotional challenges I have ahead of me.
The formula of the thought process can come in different steps in different sequence, but I think the fact that He was in the middle of the follow-through is what I am thinking on tonight.

Yes, He is in the middle of the follow-through.

Naomi