Last week, I got together with a friend I hadn't seen in about 18 years.
We met when we were in Kindergarten and stayed friends until we were 30...she got married, moved away, had kids. There was no fight or disagreement, just life happened and we were distant.
We reconnected on Facebook. I accidentally found her brother and asked if he remembered me, and would he get his sister a message for me. She did get in touch and was just that week deciding to do Facebook.
She lives about 90 minutes away and has a busy life. I am still basically the same girl from our younger years. No husband, no kids, teaching school. We did well on Facebook...commenting on each other's status and photos. And that is where the nerves began.
I absolutely wanted to see her. It took several months, but we finally made it happen. On my way, I was nervous. Not because I had any bad feelings...quite the opposite! I love this chick! But as I was thinking and praying about why the nerves were there I realized it was because on Facebook anyways, her life seems perfect! She always wanted a certain number of kids...she has them. Her family photos are gorgeous and they spend good time together. I am truly happy for her.
But me....I don't feel I am attractive at all. I weigh too much (mostly out of laziness). I am not tidy, unless I really work at it. My mom's illness and death changed me in ways I am still figuring out. The rest of my family relations are good. But I definitely do not live the life I had thought of when I was in my 20s.
Now, none of this would be secret. This life and some photos are on Facebook so I was not concerned about having misrepresented myself. I just knew that I didn't feel like I would measure up. Even though we had not fought to be distanced, I just was unsure.
But, as soon as we saw each other....fantastic! We laughed, we remembered a few things and we caught up with things. I was perfectly comfortable. I did not feel at all unworthy or that I didn't measure up. I feel like we just scratched the surface of all that God has done in the past 18 years, but I could not be more thankful for that day.
And what I keep thinking is that if one has grown distant from God, they can just go back and talk with Him. He is not waiting for people to feel ready or good enough or better than before. If there is distance, He is waiting in the gap. There is no way that we could ever be presentable on our own, and He wants to be in dialogue and relationship.
So, if anyone is reading this and wonders about bridging gaps with God...go ahead and do it! He is already waiting!
Naomi
2 comments:
Beautiful! I'm so pleased for you and your friend.
I deal with this almost daily, sadly it's becoming almost the norm... the idea that I don't want to spend time with so-and-so or him or her because I clearly am way more messed up than them, or that life hasn't turned out like I wanted and I don't want to reconnect with people until I can make it look better... but it doesn't work that way. And it's hard to get that to sink in.
In the end, I don't think people really care, and I DO need to let it go and enjoy the people that are in my life now, though they be few.
RK, I am so glad you are still here! I keep up on your blog and am consistently impressed with your attitude and life lessons.
I emailed this as a direct email to a bunch of people and was amazed at how many wrote back with encouragement or, like you, a story to share.
I have many lessons yet to learn and I feel they are in the hardest parts of life. My fear of photographs, but at the same time wanting photos taken so I have record of important people.
And how to get a handle on my lack of discipline when it comes to food, and cleaning my house. I put myself under terrible stress because I live alone and am not able to blame anyone else. I honestly get 'stuck' when I begin to clean. Yup, hard lessons ahead!
Thanks for reading and commenting. Please be in touch whenever you like!
Peace,
Naomi
Post a Comment