If I Were One To Write Christmas Letters...

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As 2009 comes to an end, many things in my life have stayed the same. I live in the same place. I drive the same car. I attend the same church. I go to the same job that I have had and loved since the school opened in 1993.

There are also things that have changed. I now teach two grades at once rather than just the first grade. Our school had to downsize staff due to economic factors that impacted many of our families. Tution became too much and they had to make changes. The school had to make changes. But really, it is God who orchestrated those changes and we had to obey step by step, day by day. And He has been faithful.

I no longer have the second job I have had since 1988. The economy hit, the landlords were unreasonable and unwilling to compromise, so the store closed in February. It still sits empty today. And that hit not only my income, but also the friendships and the habits I have had. I have always worked in the summer. Since 1988 I have never had a summer off. My parents are hard workers and trained their kids to have a strong work ethic. We all take our work responsibilities seriously due to my parents expectations and the examples that they set in their own careers. So, not having a second job this summer was hard for me. But it was necessary.

My beautiful mother started having trouble in her foot last summer (2008). Maybe Lymes Disease, maybe an aftereffect of her broken leg, she had a bunch of toxins in her system and most definitely a neurological illness. In January she was diagnosed with what was likely ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) but it was never confirmed. There were reasons to believe it was ALS and there were as many reasons to believe it was not ALS. Aside from seeking the best treatment from Boston, as a family, we didn't really concern ourselves with what it was called. We just knew we had to deal with the symptoms and decline that we saw.

God heard many prayers for my mom this year. From our family, from friends of the family, from people she never met but people that would pray God's work in our lives. People all over the place were praying for my mom and our family. Not just for healing but for strength, for patience, for working together and for learning more about God through the struggle that He allowed.

Mom was given some great spiritual counsel throughout her illness and she was also told some things that do not match with the Bible. Discernment can be hard when emotion, love, fear and confusion are involved. But He helped to make clear the difference between His teachings and some of the more current day feel-good teachings that we were told. But there is still a lot we do not understand and I won't even try to get into that here. Remember, this is only a letter I would write, IF I wrote Christmas letters! ; ).

During this hard time, one of my closest friends seemed to fall off the (other side of) the earth. I expected a lot of support and I think they just had no clue how to help or what to say and they became 90% silent. That broke my heart but God provided some renewed friendships and support from some very unexpected places. Does one friendship replace another? No. But the loss and emptiness was filled with something unexpected and good. And it continues today. Thank you Lord for not being as limited as my own mind and expectations. You gave me more than I ever would have expected in the way of support, and from sources I would have thought had long forgotten me.

Mom went to heaven on September 26. We were not expecting it, but we were not shocked. It has been so hard to watch our family try to figure out life without her. It is a very slow process. We all grieve differently. My dad figured out that they were married for 18,481 days. Yup, dad counted. He's good like that. To spare you taking out your calculators it is 50 years and 7 months, not including the 3 years they dated before they married. We have questions about why this happened, how this happened etc. We also have thankfulness that she died in her sleep. She knew Jesus as her Savior and no doubt is walking in heaven. Maybe she is even dancing! We are thankful that God was merciful and ended her physical suffering before she had to go on machines and move out of her beloved home. And we are thankful that she was our mom, wife, sister, aunt, mother-in-law, grandmother and friend. And 2009 is ending with our first Christmas without her being there physically. But the memories of her will fill the room if we allow them to.

So friends, that is the letter I would write, IF I were one to write Christmas letters!