The Pretender

Hi,

I remember watching a coworker as we worked together at a pre-school in the mid-eighties. A little boy was asked if he needed to use the bathroom. He said no. He said no fiercely and vehemently at the same time as crossing his legs, holding his front and literally jumping up and down because he really did have to go. My friend and I were trying to get the kids outside and the only hold up was this little boy who was refusing the bathroom and really really needing to use it. Finally, after the 3rd time, the boy said "I don't have to go!" My genius friend gently pushed the little boy towards the bathrpoom and said "just go in there and pretend you have to go". He went it and we heard quite the sound effects of an emptying bladder.

I love that! Just pretend you have to go. I am pretty sure that my mom said it to me when I was young. I was such a light sleeper. I couldn't sleep easily and one time late at night, she said "go to bed and pretend you are sleeping". Again, genius!

I have been doing a lot of pretending myself these days. It is hard to define the difference between pretending and lying. but I do not believe I am a liar. I call my mom every day and see how things are going. When she sounds okay, I am fine. When she sounds tired, I sympathize. But, when she sounds sad and scared, I tear up and get a little nauseous. But I pretend it is not so bad. I tell her that tomorrow could be much better. I do fully believe that, as my hope is in God and not circumstance, but after the call is over, I feel like I just pretended something that isn't as strong as I made it out to be. Maybe it is because of the visual images in my mind (they are vivid). Maybe it is from a sense of guilt. Definitely a human fear of circumstance (while still having full faith in God). I think I want to know what to expect. I can deal with anything when it is expected, but the minute those curveballs come, or the good seems to minimize again, that is when I tend to get extra emotional and sensitive and doubtful.

But, God knows my heart. He knows my mom's fears, confusion and questions. I take comfort in the fact that there is nothing I can to do lessen her load. I visit. I clean. I shop for her and do other errands. This summer I have committed to staying overnight Sun through Tuesday so my dad can work. If things continue as they are currently I will be doing a lot of pretending. But as long as I know it is based in truth (I believe in God's power without question. i can't begin to know His will and what He is allowing), then I will put that smile on, raise my voice in enthusiasm and earnestly be more positive intentionally, for the beautiful woman who is my mother.

I have recently rediscovered a TV show from the 90s (thanks to Target and a DVD sale for season 1 and 2 plus Amazon in getting every other season). I told my mom and she was unfamiliar with the series but asked me to bring it so we can watch together when I am there. So far, we have watched 4 episodes from Season 1.

What show is it???

The Pretender!